Jolly Old St. Nicholas, lean you ear this way...
I've been busting my tail to be ready Christmas Day.
Fighting crowds at Target, hanging lights upon the tree,
Even baking cookies (what has gotten into me?)
Narrowing the wish list of my diva, Caroline,
Down to just a few things from six-hundred-forty-nine,
Hunting down the presents that my son hopes to receive,
Wishing that my daughter in fifth grade could still believe.
Trying to decide just what to get for my pre-teen
Teenage girls are tough, dear Santa, you know what I mean.
Switching cash and credit to throw Husband off my trail,
Trying to get Christmas cards all stamped and in the mail.
Eating all the cookies and the candy neighbors make,
Knowing I'll regret each bite that I can't help but take,
Braving freezing wind chills to light up my new fake deer,
Hopefully the head will work this time (unlike last year!)
Decking all the halls with boughs of something red & green,
Finding Baby Jesus, kidnapped from the manger scene.
Muppets and John Denver fill the air the whole month long,
("Noel: Christmas Eve 1913"'s my favorite song)
Setting up the TiVo to record the season's shows
Watching Chevy Chase light up his house until it glows,
Rooting for the Grinch and hearing Polar bells' sweet rings,
Every time a leg lamp's lit an angel gets his wings.
Going in for flu shots that we haven't gotten yet
(Don't you worry, Santa, our deductible's been met.)
One last task to finish now, before it gets too late:
Find a New Year's sitter who won't charge a hooker's rate.
Just a few days left now before you come flying by
(Would you rather have leftover cookies or some pie?)
I'd just like to tell you, Santa, while I have your ear,
Have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy Year!